But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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