it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
