she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
