So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
