Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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