there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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