As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
how drunk are you?
Several
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
