I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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