my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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