even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
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