while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
