I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
