whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
