I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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