I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
