Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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