i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
