Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
