Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize