i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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