last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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