I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
