Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
people are starting to question the shark bite story
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize