Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize