so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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