if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
