Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize