I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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