Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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