If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
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