therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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