I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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