i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
