His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
