My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize