So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
