Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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