Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
