He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
