I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
