i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
dude. I can hear the air.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
