That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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