That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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