Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
