help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
