I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
