the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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