Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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