I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
He felt like a one man threesome
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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