I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
