I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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