apparently the secret to your success is patron
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
