Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize