Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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