if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
she smelled like a LAN party
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
