counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
be right there i have to get my cape
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
