i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
