Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
