9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Randomize
