Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
