My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize