guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
