You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
