He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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