Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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