stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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