I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
