So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
