he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
